By: Kurt Kurt Schlicter
Well, that could have gone a lot worse.
In the wake of Hillary’s massive, unequivocal, humiliating rejection, I was going to write this column on the critical need for us conservatives to have a big group hug and restore the shattered bonds that should unite us, whether #NeverTrump, #NeverHillary or #IHateEveryone. But that can wait. Right now, I have some savoring to do. Let’s see, we have the executive branch, the legislative branch and we’ll be taking back the judicial branch. The mainstream media is in a state of shock. Liberals are having fits. And the ocean is still rising, as one of my Twitter followers observed, only it’s because of liberal tears.
Tuesday was a good day for everything awesome in America except for my book series. Then again, maybe not. With the #NotMyPresident hashtag happening among devastated millennials who, for the first time in their bubble-wrapped lives got told “No,” maybe they’ll be the ones demanding succession from that hateful, racists, sexist, imperialist, transphobic, and racist big red blob between the liberal cities called “America.”
Don’t worry, libs. California still seems eager to buck the trend and stick with stupid. You can all come out here to slake your thirst for socialist failure, slowly paying off that gender studies degree getting me my dry cleaning as part of your career doing Task Rabbit gigs.
Or, maybe, just maybe, someday you’ll be able to get a decent job that will let you support a family like your parents (or, really, their parents) had. But you’ll have to forgo the palm trees and random Amy Schumer sightings in Santa Monica.
I could take this opportunity to extend my hand to my liberal co-citizens and the non-citizens they wanted to just hand the gift of citizenship in return for the implicit promise to vote for whichever corrupt leftist the Democrats decided to wheel out on a Hannibal Lector handcart. But no. That can wait too – for now, the only thing I’m extending is my middle finger.
You built this. Now suck on it.
You jerks thought we normals were terrible and stupid when you thought of us at all. How do you like us now? Are you worried that an unfriendly executive branch might unleash its dogs at the, say, IRS upon you? That bureaucrats might destroy the entire industry that you work in, that supports your family, to satisfy the whims of the regime’s ideology? That the government is heading toward the time when it might send armed federal agents to your house to arrest you for exercising your constitutional rights?
Welcome to the last eight years as a normal.
Not so big on unlimited executive power anymore, are you? Seeing how maybe those Dead White Cis-Het Males with funny wigs back in olden times might have had a point?
Well, you need to do a little sweating, a little worrying. Fear is the teacher, and class is in session. Maybe you’ll learn something. Maybe you’ll stand up for what’s right the next time your side is honored with America’s steering wheel and some leftist serpent starts hissing that you should throw all that due process and Bill of Rights stuff out the window in the name of progressive expedience.
How’s it feel with the Doc Marten on the other foot?
But I doubt you’ll learn. You’re kind of dumb, and you tend to sniff along behind aspiring fascists. So we’ll still keep buying guns and ammo at record rates, thank you very much, because we doubt you’ll learn anything about the rule of law from your time wondering if you can rely on it.
Heck, if we had any money after eight years of that creased-pants joke’s misrule, we’d use the stock market panic dip as a buying opportunity for loading up on otherwise skyrocketing gun company stocks. Oh, and also shares of whoever makes Crown Royal– I hear that’s Hillary’s booze of choice.
There’s more good news. For at least the next four years we’ll see a renewed interest in that quaint concept called “checks and balances.” Watch for Donald Trump – excuse me, President Donald Trump – to be the most checked and balanced chief exec ever. And that’s terrific.
Oh, and the media will re-discover curiosity about governmental misconduct and inefficiency again – once the collective weeping ends. Watching their faces collapse like the Nazis in Raiders of the Lost Ark when President-elect Donald Trump crossed 270 was one of the great moments of my life. Their collective pain is our collective joy. And they have a long time and a lot of hard work ahead if they hope to ever regain our trust – but, of course, I have zero confidence that they even understand how completely they have destroyed their own credibility. A few professional journalists knew what was coming – Salena Zito saw what was happening because she left the comfortable cities and went out to actually talk to the people who just shocked the world. Any media outlet interested in actually covering America should swoop her up.
We rejected corruption. We rejected the elites who hold us in contempt. We rejected the political correctness and its posse of lies that was designed to silence us, to make us kneel, bow and obey. We stopped politely asking for respect – we took it. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
We are the majority – at least of electoral votes, suckers – and we are awake. This election shows that we are no longer going to be silent.
Yeah, that could have gone a lot worse.