By: Kurt Schlicter
Trolling is a true pleasure to watch when a master is at work, and no one – no one – trolls like the man Instapundit’s Glenn Reynolds has dubbed the “Grandmaster,” our President-elect Donald Trump. Hell, even his title is a troll. President-elect Donald Trump – just having to say it makes pointy progressive heads explode.
But look on the bright side, suckers. This time come January, you won’t have to call him “President-elect” anymore. Because then it will be President Donald Trump.
Cue the giant sad trombone.
Look, I had some serious beefs with Trump during the primaries, and I committed to vote for him only because the choice was either him or Harpy O’Smarmalot, and I couldn’t listen to that shrill harridan yapping at me for four years while she turned America into Venezuela North. But I have to hand it to The Donald. He’s doing great so far, and it’s just killing the liberals. Which makes it even greater.
Trump is trolling them with competence.
Transition chaos? Oh please. The new crew is functioning remarkably well, despite the media spazzathon. And it’s always fun to get an organizational critique from the apoplectic liberal media whineatariat, whose sole organizational experience consists of gathering up the usual scruff-bearded femboys and scruff-bearded womyn and marching over to the dean’s office to demand that the campus wrestling team stop liking girls.
Jeff Sessions? Great choice – honest, smart, and he has the DOJ experience to know where the shredders are shredding. The leftists aren’t upset because he doesn’t know how to be a great AG; they are terrified because he does.
Gee, how does the lefty media react? Surprise: “RACIST!” They know it’s a damn lie, but they think people are still stupid enough to believe it. So this pick is itself another troll – this one reinforcing that the media is a pack of lying weasels. Right about now, no one would actually believe a media racism accusation unless the accused showed up in a white robe carrying a dog-eared copy of “The Collected Racial Musings of Kleagle/Democrat Senate Majority Leader Robert Byrd.”
And his other picks? Awesome! So Betsy De Vos is supposed to be awful because she’s going to insist that public schools actually teach all our kids, not just the ones in liberal enclaves? Because she’s going to insist on due process for college students busted for studying while male? Because her brother formed a company that shoots terrorists? Blackwater founder and American hero Erik Prince mixed capitalism with killing jihadis, which makes liberals cry. It makes me want a Marlboro and a cuddle.
Trump is trolling them by keeping his promises.
“Oh, he’s not really going to repeal and replace Obamacare!” Hey suckers, if you like your fantasies you can keep them, but Donald Trump is a developer. If he didn’t build what he said he was going to build, his customers didn’t take occupancy, and he didn’t get paid. Well, Americans are his customers now, and he knows instinctively that the key to his success as POTUS 45 is him performing. Hillary’s whole campaign was based on a wink and a nod to her supporters that she may talk like Sanders about Wall Street and the wars, but when she got in there she would put the fun in “hedge fund” and bomb any foreigner not appearing as “Paid in Full” on the Clinton Foundation’s “Totally Voluntary, No Obligation, Purely From the Goodness of Your Heart or Else Donor List.”
“Oh, he’s not really going to build a wall!” Dude, he’s totally building a wall. And you’ll see him down by the border, flipping off Tijuana then digging the first shovelful of dirt.
“Oh, he’s not really going to change the lobbyist culture.” Dude, he’s already doing it. He doesn’t owe these clowns anything. Hell, they were all against him. Get ready to experience the smash hit “50 Shades of Your Georgetown Property Values Tanking.”
And Trump is trolling the liberals by tweeting.
Kellyanne Conway is never going to take away his iPhone, never. Why? Because he is a master of using it to set the agenda for the liberals and their pet media and then watching them dance for his amusement. Take his flag burning tweet. Pure genius.
Oh, not the substance – that was a terrible and clearly unconstitutional idea. But it is also a popular idea. A number of people I greatly respect support flag burning laws, and so does Hillary Clinton. Remember how she co-sponsored some silly Flag Protection Act in 2005? You remember 2005, don’t you? It was when Senator Principle was just turning against the troops she had voted to send to Iraq and when she still believed marriage was between a man and a woman. You know, the opposite of Trump’s positions.
Trump has to be rolling with laughter to seeing liberals maneuvered into awkwardly defending free speech, since they despise the concept. My new novel shows a world where liberals control the conversation, and the result is a monologue. Guess who gets to do all the talking? Hint: not us.
But who needs fiction when we have the last few months showing us what liberals really think about free speech. A key plank in the Democratic platform was to amend the Constitution to make it possible to throw people in jail for criticizing politicians. Liberal university adminofacists censor speakers and persecute dissident students. Just a few days ago, most key liberals could barely contain their griefgasm at the descent into hell of their most beloved role model, noted dissentaphobe Fidel Castro – beloved mostly for his silencing of his opponents. And this was after a year when anybody criticizing scumbag Democratic surrogates for rioting was labeled an irredeemable deplorable who ought to shut up. One half-wit even applauded the idea of Trump being banned from speaking on Twitterin the interest of – wait for it – free speech. Seems someone rode his old-timey bike down to the San Francisco farmer’s market and loaded up on some locally sourced irony.
Yet, because of Trump’s cunning ploy, the liberals went out to a dubious America and effectively announced that if you ignite Old Glory they consider you America’s greatest hero. The thing is that Trump understands that most Americans approve of flag burning laws, because most Americans aren’t either Constitutional conservative purists like me, or bubble-dwelling progressive jerks who hate America and actually love the idea of burning the flag. So basically, Trump got these rodents to squeak about how it’s A-OK for their fellow travelers to diss the symbol of the Glorious Dead after normalizing the idea that those who disagree with you should be gagged. Smooth move, dummies. How do you like the new rules now?
Trump is one giant troll of liberalism, from his attitude to his actions to his total defeat of the Evil Schoolmarm. And the best thing is that he knows it. Never change, Mr. President-elect – keep on trolling like a boss.